Aladamnbama

(via catbird)

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:18:36 -0800

(via catbird)

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:23:39 -0800

(via catbird)

(via cruz)

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:35:38 -0800

(via cruz)

"The difference is that in New York they’re cooking for us. Here they’re cooking for themselves."

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:34:37 -0800

“The difference is that in New York they’re cooking for us. Here they’re cooking for themselves.”

- Jonathan Gold, quoted in this week’s New Yorker, talking about the difference between Chinese food in New York and Los Angeles. Add that to your arsenal of cultural comparisons next time you get sucked into that old “NY vs. LA” debate. New York gets the American Chinese food. Los Angeles gets the Chinese Chinese food. (via spiegelman) (via onthechanggang)

"So, you’re in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn’t have sex..."

Wed, 27 May 2009 00:49:03 -0700

“

So, you’re in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn’t have sex with you anyway.

What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard.

Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.

Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.

Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.

Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend’s house.

Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.

Step Six: Enter your friend’s bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.

Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.

Step Eight: When she asks you what’s happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it’s September 15th she will say ‘September 15th’ to which you must reply ‘No, what year is it?’

Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words ‘It worked.’ Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.

Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask ‘What worked?’, even if she doesn’t ask this question it is important that you now say the words ‘(Insert Friend’s Name), I’m from the future’ in your most deadpan voice.

Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you’ve come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.

Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tanline on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.

Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:

a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It’s up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You’ve come back in time because you can’t help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn’t been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future

Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.

Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren’t about to have sex with her. You’re naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you’ve had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.

Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.

Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:

1) During the sex some feelings that she didn’t know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
2) Life will carry on as normal.
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren’t entirely sure if what you’ve done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.

”

- via Batteries Feel Included (via terminally-incoherent) (via cultrvultr)

"ugh I’m trying to bang this dumb dumb dumb hot young young asian girl"

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:31:00 -0700

“ugh I’m trying to bang this dumb dumb dumb hot young young asian girl”

- Anonymous

cultrvultr: pilnick: There are three Blue Ducks left in the UK,...

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 02:14:04 -0700

cultrvultr:

pilnick:

There are three Blue Ducks left in the UK, one female and two males. Turns out the two males are gay and have doomed the species to extinction in the UK. “It would have been nice to get a last clutch of eggs from Cherry but Ben and Jerry do make a lovely couple.” Oops.

thisiswhyyourefat: Taco Town Taco Saturday Night Live-inspired:...

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 23:11:48 -0700

thisiswhyyourefat:

Taco Town Taco

Saturday Night Live-inspired: crunchy beef taco with nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato and southwestern sauce wrapped in a soft flour tortilla with a layer of refried beans in between, then wrapped in a corn tortilla with a layer of Monterey Jack cheese in a deep fried gordita shell with guacamole sauce baked in a corn husk topped with pico de gallo, wrapped in a crepe, filled with egg, griere cheese, sausage and portobello mushrooms, all wrapped in a chicago-style deep dish pizza wrapped in a blueberry pancake and finally deep fried with spicy vegetarian chili dipping sauce.

(submitted by Drew via hulu)

I had to reblog for the roomies after we watched the SNL “Just Commercials” thing tonight. xo.

cultrvultr: Guts

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 02:52:28 -0800

cultrvultr:

Guts

"You know what it is? San Francisco is a golden handcuff with the key thrown away."

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 02:43:59 -0800

“You know what it is? San Francisco is a golden handcuff with the key thrown away.”

- John Steinbeck (via westgateofbabylon) (via cultrvultr)

cruz: yacht: You saw this, right? fuck yes. This is too good...

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 01:42:10 -0800

cruz:

yacht:

You saw this, right?

fuck yes.

This is too good to be FUBU that little girl. Right?

cultrvultr: deleteyourself: A bunch of Michael Jackson’s...

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:32:21 -0800

cultrvultr:

deleteyourself:

A bunch of Michael Jackson’s possessions are hitting the auction block, including this painting he commissioned. It’s expected to fetch between $1,000-$2,000 but I would seriously pay way way more. (Link)